Communication Styles: Verbal, Nonverbal, and Listening

I often find myself studying a person’s body language when they speak to me, and I have become quite aware of my own body language as I engage in a communication episode with another person. This interest in body language came about after I was told (by and ex-boyfriend) that I can be stand-offish. I was told I put up barriers and it was obvious to others by my body language. Weirdly enough, most of my friends tell me that I am very approachable and friendly, so I was taken aback by this other person’s comments. As a result I became very aware of my body language and the body language of others. So, when I began the assignment of watching an episode of television that I had not seen with the sound off, I saw it as another opportunity for me to study body language.

I watched an episode of “New Girl” titled “The Landlord”. In the beginning of the episode, there is a man and a woman in a car and they go for an empty parking spot at the same time as another man. There appears to be angered yelling by the large arm movements and angered expressions. The title sequence roles and then two men are sitting at a table eating. One man holds his phone up and looks at the other man. He swings his arms around and draws his eyes together as if asking a question. The other man looks as if he is explaining something that the other man should already know. The conversation continues as the man with the phone shows it and asks another question, then looks disappointed and has a flashback to a coffee shop. He flashes a smile at the barista, then at another lady in the elevator, who appears turned off by him because she gives him a disgusted look. Back in the present, he gives the same smile to his friend who gives him a similar disgusted look as the woman in the elevator gave him.

The man and the woman from the opening car scene come into the apartment and appear to be arguing. They are walking fast, not looking at each other, and using large arm movements. They explain what happened to the men eating. One man raises his eyebrows as he speaks, perhaps to ask a question. The man from the car then looks angrily at the woman as he waves his arm in front of him. It appears as if he is explaining her blame in something. Some eye rolling ensued.

The next scene is the woman from the car walking timidly through a dark basement like room with cupcakes. She speaks to a man who appears to be ignoring her as he continues in his task. She crosses her arms and continues to talk to him. He gets up and sits behind a desk. She turns, makes a comment about a picture, and shakes her head with wide eyes, seemingly surprised by his response. She continues to talk to him, he continues to ignore her. She seems to make a joke at herself and leaves. She tells the man in the apartment something, and they jump up and run to a room and begin to throw things out of the apartment. I first thought they were throwing her out, but it appeared to be one of the guy’s stuff. The landlord came in looking angry as he stomps through the apartment and looks in the room and through the rest of the apartment. He starts to leave looking very angry. The girl stops him, and he turns around looking upset that he has to listen to her. She has her eyebrows raised and looks as if she is pleading her case to him. He softens and appears to give them the O.K. on whatever they are asking for. The guys look confused about what just happened, but the girl looks at them and smiles as if to say, “I told you so!” The landlord appears to be fixing her closet door, he tells her to try it, she tries to slide but it doesn’t budge. The landlord stands behind her to help. One of the male roommates comes in to see them and asks the girl to come out of the room. He starts telling her something and she gets defensive, placing her hands first on her hips and then crossing her arms. The man is trying to get her to understand something, he is holding his hand out toward her. He seems to think the landlord is flirting with her.

The next scene appears to be a guy and a girl who are either breaking up or have broken up and are trying to get back together. Two male roommates come in with a piece of paper and read it. The man on the couch is embarrassed and the woman gets up and leaves, giving the man a look like, “I knew you were lying.” The man grabs the paper and walks off. The woman roommate and the landlord come in. She says he fixed something. One of the roommates cracks his knuckles and says something mean to the landlord. The landlord looks at him like he is nuts. The landlord then has dinner with them and tells them a story that makes the male roommate hug him, then get embarrassed. They are laughing and sharing stories, then the landlord gets up and leaves the room. The girl is saying I told you he didn’t want to sleep with me, but then the landlord comes back into the room in his underclothes. Turns out he may want to be with both the male and female roommate. The landlord goes to the woman’s bedroom and waits while the two roommates discuss it outside the door. They go in and discuss what will happen and how. The two roommates appear to agree the landlord is pretty crazy. The male roommate is telling the female roommate that it is not going to happen but she doesn’t want to hurt the landlord’s feelings. It’s very awkward. The landlord is oblivious to the awkwardness. The male roommate crosses his hands to tell the landlord that nothing is going to happen. Three of the roommates then sit at a table looking defeated as they share some drinks. This ended the episode, so I will now watch it with sound.

So, I watched the show with sound and I was off on a few things. I was pretty spot-on until the man and the woman, who are Jess and Nick, come into the apartment. They are not really arguing, and he is not placing blame on her. They are actually talking about the fact that he cannot find the good in other people. So, he was being defensive, not accusatory. She rolls her eyes because she cannot get him to admit it. The next scene where my inferences were jumbled was when the guy, who is Schmitty, and the girl, who is a friend of Jess’s, were sitting on the couch. I had inferred that they were breaking up, but they had never been a couple. He was looking for advice on his love life. When she gets up to leave and gives him the look that I thought was, “I knew you were lying,” it turned out to be a look of, “You are such a goof.” Finally, when Jess, Nick, and the landlord have dinner, it does get awkward. The discussion outside the bedroom door is not about what they are going to do once they get in there, but whether one or the other will admit that they are wrong. Once inside the room, the landlord walks them through what will happen while Jess and Nick still debate over who is right and who is wrong. It ends when another roommate comes in the room and the landlord tells them he is not into a foursome.

I think if I had been more familiar with the show and the relationships between the characters, I would have made less incorrect inferences about their behaviors. As it stands, this activity has made me more aware of making communication assumptions based on body language.

References:

Meriwether, E. (Writer) & Reed, P. (Director). (2012) The landlord [Television series episode]. In J. Port (Producer), New Girl. New York: FOX.